unemployed meme

I Want a New Bra Lyrics, Parody of I Want a New Drug and also Boob Memes

‘I Want a New Bra’ to the tune of  ‘I Want a New Drug‘ by Huey Lewis And The News. Bold words are where I think Huey would really punch it up.

Here is the video to listen along with:


I want a new bra, one that won’t pinch my back
Somethin nice to hold my boobs up, Cotton, silk, with real smooth straps

bra meme mean girls

I want a new bra, cause I only own two
One I’ll wear for about 3 weeks, And tell myself, ‘I’ll wash it soon

[chorus] Don’t wanna pay alotta money, But the best ones cost a few
Testing bounce and feeeeeel in the fiiiitting rooooom
…in a pink fitting room

bra meme mad men

I want a new bra, One that won’t make me sweat
But not if it hooks in front, that plastic snap digs in my chest
I want a new bra, one that feels like air
Impossible to detect it, easy to unhook back there

office bra meme[chorus] Momma said I should wear one, but I’m not sure why I do
Is cup size is just a number made up by some dudes?
Bra-less miiight be cool, (not sure if I’m that coooool, baby…)

Bra Meme Zoidberg

[jam out to the bridge and jump out of a helicopter]

boob bounce meme

[more bridge jammin’]

one boob at a time meme

[listen to them horns!]

boob jail meme

I want a new bra, one that does what it should
Make this body look like a lady, pull them boulders up real good
I want a new bra, one that looks real hot
But I’d like to fall asleep in it, so underwire- maybe not

[chorus] One that will last forever
And acts as a wallet, too
Strapless is a gamble, but my shoulder game is good
Braless might be cool. (Braless might be cool, yeah yeah…)

strapless bra meme

[bridge again, outro]

bra meme

Publishing this post assists in validating the hours of procrastination I have spent making up lyrics ala Weird Al and looking up bouncy memes. Writing fun things about boobs is a great way to put off writing about very real things that have actual deadlines. Thank you for your support.









Pokemon Go! at Disney World FAQ


Pokemon Go at Disney World

Pokemon Go is exploding all over the country, and Walt Disney World is no exception. Learn where to find the most rare Pokemon in Magic Kingdom, where you can sit and eat inside three lured Pokestops, and most of all, where NOT to go.

Choose a location to learn more about playing Pokemon Go! at Disney World:

Pokemon Go Magic Kingdom
Pokemon Go at Magic Kingdom
Pokemon Go Epcot
Pokemon Go at Epcot
Pokemon Go Animal Kingdom
Pokemon Go at Animal Kingdom
Pokemon Hollywood Studios
Pokemon at Hollywood Studios

Where can I find the most rare Pokemon at Disney World?

Magic Kingdom and Epcot have so far been the most sighted for potential rare Pokemon. Check the guide to Pokemon at Disney World for rare Pokemon at each park.

What about the crowds?

Be courteous while playing Pokemon at Disney World. Families save up all year to take this vacation, so don’t do the zombie-like Pokewalk across the parks. Pull over to the side of the road where you’re out of the way while you try to catch a pokemon. If you have the AR camera turned off, you have all day to catch that Pokemon without having to stay in the same place, so get out of the way.

What are the best times to play Pokemon Go at Disney World?

Considering the ticket price to get into the parks, you should maximize your dollar by enjoying the environment you paid to be in. That said, downtime is the best time for Pokemon Go. You’ll be waiting in plenty of lines and you’ve got your evenings at the resorts to go on a hunt. There is really no need to try to hunt down Pokemon ‘between rides’ or during a fantastic character dinner with your friends and family.

This Guide Covers the Following Locations:




Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury Hair DIY Tutorial

Sailor Rain , Make Up! Sailor Moon Cosplay Hair Tutorials

These Sailor Moon hair tutorials originally appeared in the ‘gyaru’ magazine, Ageha, which ceased publication in April of 2014. I’ve put them here in hopes that someone will find them useful for some Sailor Moon cosplay. My loose translations are snarky, yet accurate.

Click any of these photos to be taken to an annoying photo page  (gotta make that paper), then click again there to see the huge version of the jpg itself.

Sailor Moon Hair DIY Tutorial
Sailor Moon Hair DIY Tutorial from Koakuma Ageha 9/08 Issue

Sailor Moon Hair Tutorial

Separate hair into even pigtails, reserving a a third of the hair at the base of your neck for some creativity later. Split those bangs in half, too. Backcomb each pigtail at the base, then wrap it into a loose bun and pin in place. Part the hair left at the back of your neck and then wrap it around the hair elastic on the buns. Pin in place. Curl as desired. Wake up late for school, bomb a test, date a guy way older than you, then blame it on a cat you found in the street.

Sailor Pluto and Chibi Usa Hair DIY Tutorial
Sailor Pluto and Chibi Usa Hair DIY Tutorial from Koakuma Ageha 9/08 Issue

Click Photos to View Full Size

Sailor Pluto Hair Tutorial:

Use a straightening iron to smooth those locks to a silky sheen. Create a high ponytail, then tease up the hair at the base. Curl the hair around the ponytail to create a soft, messy bun and pin in place, then shellac the whole thing with two cans of hairspray.

Sailor Chibi Moon Hair Tutorial:

Separate hair into pigtails. Use a large curling iron to create ringlets throughout. Gently brush the middle of the pigtails with a soft bristled bush to give each pigtail a full-bodied look. Wrap some of the hair from the bottom of the pigtail around the hair tie to cover them up and create more lift from the head. Pin in place. Use your hands to shape the hair so that it curls up. Twist the ends with a bit of mousse to make spiraling tendrils that hold their shape.

Sailor Venus and Sailor Jupiter Hair DIY Tutorial
Sailor Venus and Sailor Jupiter Hair DIY Tutorial from Koakuma Ageha 9/08 Issue

Sailor Venus Hair Tutorial

Create a part that crosses horizontally over the middle of the head. The idea is to create a large space for both bangs and the Minako hair poof. Draw the hair from the top of the head into a ponytail at the crown. Use a straight iron to flatten all that hair, then curl the ends ever-so-gently with a large-barreled curling iron. Draw a lock of hair from the bottom of the ponytail to wrap around the hair elastic. Back comb at the base of the ponytail to pump up the volume. Take a straight iron to those bangs and Bob’s your uncle.

Sailor Jupiter Hair Tutorial

Part your hair just like we did in the Venus hair tutorial. Brush bangs to the right and pin behind the ear. Curl the ponytail hairs and back comb at the base. Add a mouse or other soft holding product to the ponytail, working in gently with your hands. Pin locks from the front of the ponytail down so that they cover the hair elastic. Something tells me Makoto would never spend this much time on her hair.

Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus Hair DIY Tutorial
Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus Hair DIY Tutorial from Koakuma Ageha 9/08 Issue

Sailor Neptune Hair Tutorial

Neptune’s hairstyle is pretty much the same as Grace Adler’s. To achieve this effect, first part hair at the middle of the head to allow for a lot of bangs. Add three hot curlers to each side and the back at the crown. Leave in for length of one episode of Bob’s Burgers. Curl the rest of the hair with a large-barreled curling iron.  Gently comb out the curls to create a wavy look and backcomb at the base for volume. This article keeps saying to add ‘wax’ to the ends of your curls to make sweet lil’ tendrils, but use the styling product of your choice. Add a hot curler to the bangs and watch another round of Bob’s Burgers.

Sailor Uranus Hair Tutorial

Neptune can not be legally shown in any capacity without Uranus appearing next to her, so this article has successfully fulfilled that obligation. Part your short hair to the side, add hot rollers, see what Louise is up to, remove rollers, then work in some of that ‘wax’ to create separate spikes of badassery.

Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury Hair DIY Tutorial
Sailor Mars and Sailor Mercury Hair DIY Tutorial from Koakuma Ageha 9/08 Issue

Sailor Mars Hair Tutorial

Spray the ends of your hair with a hot new product they’re plugging, creatively called ‘Curl Water’. Dry your hair after all that Curl Water application, then curl the bottom half of the hair. Brush gently, then separate your crunchy, product-laden tendrils. Then spray them some more? Basically, Rei doesn’t do her hair. This is a page-filler because you can’t just leave out Sailor Mars.

Sailor Mercury Hair Tutorial

Part at the top of the scalp, leaving ample room for big bangs on the right. Add hot rollers at the top of your head and straight iron the rest while you wait. Toss your curlers to the wind and backcomb at the crown. Work your fingers in to fluff everything up, then set with a light dusting of chemicals.

Questions? Ask on Facebook…

WTF Captcha

Don’t Sell Out… Said Getty Images?

Today I admitted defeat against the wants of the masses and signed into Getty images to find a photo of Kim Kardashian. I was going to turn to the dark side and compose a list of Top Ten Winter Outfits You Can’t Live Without. You won’t believe what number five is! The fourth one will make you cry! #9 will make you kill your family!

Then, Getty bitch-slapped the integrity right back into me:
WTF CaptchaMy thanks to Getty Images, the most unlikely of moral compasses.

For me, it’s back to dreaming up corn syrup blood recipes and Pantone color-matching Jedi robe fabrics! I have to wonder, though, is it a wonderful miracle when Getty is the Jiminy Cricket of the internet, or is that for sure a heralding sign of the apocalypse? *shrug*

Scariest Ghostbusters Scene

The Scariest Scene in Ghostbusters

We saw Ghostbusters in the theater tonight to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the original release. When Dana Barrett’s apartment interior was 20-feet tall in front of us, the horrific details really showed. It dawned on us that this is the scariest scene in Ghostbusters, and will truly be the most haunting part of the movie, because you’ll look for it every time thereafter.

You’ll know it when you see it:

scariest-ghostbusters-momenThere is an incredibly creepy entity in this scene. Dana and Peter don’t seem to notice, even though Peter brought one of his technical toys. Can you find it?

Hint: It’s not the puke pink furniture.

scary-ghostbuster-sceneEh? Hint: “They hate this.”

scary-ghostbuster-ghostLook at Venkman. He can’t believe this shit. Do you see it, yet?

ghostbusters-ghostYep, this is going to ruin this scene for you forever. Can’t un-see it. Sorry. OH, you see him, don’t you! Here comes our little creepy friend…

Best part is, this thing comes prominently into frame after Dana tells Peter he’s ‘so odd‘. Right. Lady, you’re the weirdo that sought out and purchased an evil fat-man-tophat-head-on-a-stick. How Bill Murray didn’t zero in on this thing and improv it into the annals of film history is beyond me.

Worst part: If she plays that piano, she’s staring him right in the face the entire time. The entire time. Here comes a sonata, while I stare you dead in the face, classy disembodied head. Till I’m done with the song. Just your face, and this mirror. Your face, my face. Your face. My face.

Imagine Gozer the Gozerian sees that shit happening late one Tuesday night. Any wonder she was hand-picked to bring on the apocalypse? I’d hire her, too, after seeing that, jeez. Fry that lady up some eggs on the countertop, Gozey; she’s primed for possession.

Larry Blanken, Father

From Military Daughter to Military Wife

Larry Blanken, Father
Mom, me, Dad and Emmit

Weirdly lots of military guys

Each year, I try to call or visit my dad on Veterans Day. He was in the Vietnam War, 101st Airborne, and I enjoy thanking him for it. Well, that and giving me life, that was pretty cool of him, too. His father before him served in the Korean War, and my grandfather on my mother’s side was a bombardier in WWII. Mostly we discuss what kind of freebies he will take advantage of around town, and he tells me he can smell my feet from there. Thank you for your service.

While I’m not a big advocate of war, this military pedigree of brave soldiers makes me… I guess the word is ‘proud’, but more in awe of that extra chunk of dimension it gives to their stories.

Weirdly also this guy

This year, I am thinking of a future veteran, my husband, who is enjoying push-up hell at boot camp right this moment.

Rain Blanken Turner
Husband, fresh out of training.

I know he’s been awake since, oh, 4:30 this morning and that by noon he will have run more laps than I have in my life.

My father and grandfathers were mired in deployments to foreign wars, and if I’m lucky, my husband won’t have to experience the same. But I imagine that all soldiers have probably, at least once, shoveled rice and beans into their mouth while a sergeant screams ‘choke it down, taste it later!’ in their ear, as my husband’s last letter detailed. That at least deserves a kudos every November.

I realize, now, that aside from the incredible war stories I have heard from my father and grandfathers, a soldier’s new life starts the first day they walk into boot camp and drop their bag on the ground for inspection. I’m thankful every day that they are out there doing it so I don’t have to.

This new experience, as a military wife, has broadened my notions of what it means to serve in the military. It starts with the motivation to improve your self, family, and country. The whole family serves back home, as my children and I navigate life without my husband.

The weirdest part is that this guy who once at a pizza while holding my hair for me as I barfed into a trashcan at a music festival in broad daylight will now be a trained killing machine.

iTunes Bad Customer Service

iTunes Customer Service SUCKS

bad-customer-service The following may or may not be an educational rant.

Yesterday, there were two charges on my bank account in the amounts of $24.45 and $45.72. I don’t have an iTunes account attached to this account. I call bank, dispute, cancel card. Bank says call Apple to get a refund. Kay.

Bank charge info says this: “Visa Purchase (Non-pin) Apl*apple Itunes: 866-712-7753ca“. So I call the number. I’m met with a damn recording that tells me what internet address to go to, so I can email them. Hooboy. I looked up an Apple Tech Support number and called in an attempt to get a human. The human informed me that iTunes has no call service for customer service.

So, let me get this straight. If your company grows into a giant conglomerate, it is suddenly just fine and dandy to offer absolutely NO phone customer service. 

 Hear ye, hear ye, iTunes now resides in an ivory tower, where no such dirty buggers like me should be permitted to speak to them. iTunes is so powerful now, that their customer service calls akin to hearing the voice of God, and Apple is simply protecting our heads from explosion. 

These pompus buttholes actually believe that they can run a big company without providing ANY live customer service representatives.

I sent in my request through apple’s online support form, thusly: “My credit card, one I have NOT, not ever have had attached to ANY iTunes account, has been charged in the amounts of $24.45 on 8/5/11 and $45.72 on 8/1/11. This is a Visa credit card ending in the numbers 9485, in the name of Lorain Blanken.”

The next day, I get a note from iTunes ‘Customer Service’:

I understand that you are concerned about the charges which were made using your credit card(9485) on iTunes Store without your knowledge. I know it is of significant concern whenever something unusual happens on your account. Be assured, I will do my best to address the issue for you.

I’m sorry, but the iTunes Store normally doesn’t provide assistance by telephone. I’m happy to answer any questions you may have via email about your account, billing issues, downloading items.

Lorain, I have looked over your iTunes account and confirmed that these charges did not originate from “s—[email protected]“.  This indicates that your credit card is established on another iTunes Store account or someone with a joint credit card is using it on their iTunes account. With that in mind I have searched our records for such an account and have located one that appears to have your credit card attached to it.  Further the charges you have specified appear on this account.

In my experience, I can tell you that if this was an online identity thief they would likely be spending far more than what has been charged to date. Often in situations like this, it turns out to be a misunderstanding between family members.
I can certainly disable this account and ban your credit card from further use in the iTunes Store but I would first like to offer you some information to help determine if this was a simple misunderstanding.

Due to our privacy policy I cannot reveal the entire account ID, or any of the items purchased, but I can give you the first 5 characters of the responsible ID.

They are:  “erydf”

If this looks familiar to you I would ask that you check with members of your family or any friends that may have access to your card, just to make sure that there hasn’t been a misunderstanding about the use of your card in the iTunes Store.

If this does not look familiar, or you can confirm that nobody else you know has used your card in the iTunes Store, I urge you to contact your financial institution as soon as possible to inquire about canceling the card or account and removing the unauthorized transactions. You should also ask them to launch an investigation into the security of your account, and if possible to issue a chargeback for the purchases in question.

Lorain, if the account belongs to you, then I would suggest you to review your account purchase history to see the items you were charged for.

Sherry, I look forward for your reply. You are a valuable customer of iTunes so meeting and exceeding your expectations are my top priorities.


Not really. Here is what I sent:

The account “erydf” is not mine, a family members or a friends. This is fraud. I already contacted my financial institution, and they advised me to contact Apple to have the charges removed.
I alone use this credit card, there is no other card holder. My account, as you have mentioned, is under s—–@yahoo.com, where I am a loyal customer with a different credit card.
It is clear here that this is not an account that was opened by me. Perhaps it is your experience that fraud cases charge larger amounts, but that is inconsequential here. The card was never authorized to be used here. It doesn’t matter how much they charged, there should be NO CHARGE on this account. There is NO misunderstanding. The “erydf” itunes account was never authorized to use this card.
I am asking for a full refund. I am the owner of the credit card, telling you these were not authorized. You know I already have another account, and that this card is not attached to it. That is all the evidence you need. Whoever owns this account should have legal action taken against them. They are crooks! What are you going to do about it? Their user name should be shut down and all funds returned to me. You need to get their contact and report them to the authorities, because they just tried to rob me.
Looking forward to your reply,
Lorain Blanken
The reply:
Lorain, after reviewing the circumstances of your case, we determined that issuing you a refund for the items that were purchased without your permission is an appropriate exception to the iTunes Store Terms and Conditions, which state that all sales are final. A refund in the amount of $70.17 will be credited in five to seven business days to the card used to pay for the order.
So, just to make things clear, there are no sour grapes on my part. This post isn’t me shaking my fist at the fact that I’m out 70 bucks. I got my money back. What I’m PISSED about is the fact that you can’t get a damn human at iTunes. And when you DO get one, they think your name is SHERRY. I spent a day of my life believing I wouldn’t get my stupid money back, just because these guys can’t be bothered with actually talking to their customers. I wanted to post this in hopes that someone can use the numbers below, or at the least, add another ‘iTunes customer service sucks’ post to the virtual chorus below.

The moral of the story is that iTunes does not live in the good ol’ days of human-to-human live customer service. At all. It doesn’t exist.

If you have a bad experience via email, it’s just too bad, I don’t know what you can do from there… except call these numbers and annoy the shit out of real people who can’t do anything about it. This method worked for me when I annoyed the shit out of Valve customer service until someone called be back, but I doubt it’ll work at a giant like Apple:

Numbers that aren’t worth two shits:
The Apple phone number,1-800-MY-APPLE (1-800-692-7753) is useless for customer service issues, as is 1-800-676-2775 and 866-712-775.

Here are a couple of direct lines that may be of some assistance in bothering representatives: 
Apple Computer Customer Service: 512-674-2000

Apple HQ: 1-408-996-1010

North American Corporate Contacts:
United States
Apple Disability Solutions (800) 767-2775
Apple Enterprise Sales (877) 412-7753
Apple Financial Services (800) APPLE-LN (800-277-5356)
Apple Government Sales (877) 412-7753
Apple Promotions/Rebates (877) 4-APL-PROMO (877-427-5776)
Apple Public Relations (408) 974-2042
Apple Software and Volume Licensing (800) 793-2378
Apple Software Upgrade Center (888) 840-8433
Apple Store (Education – Individuals) (800) 780-5009
Apple Store (Education – Schools) (800) 800-2775
Reseller Referral (Resellers, Trainers, Consultants) (800) 538-9696

This guy found a human’s number, it might just be tech support, but worth a try:

During my quest for an iTunes human, I found the above numbers, mostly in panicked or angry posts around the interwebs. My situation wasn’t rare. There are a lot of fraud victims out there, or people who just plain need help out of this bastard company, that aren’t happy.

Here are a bunch of firstperson run-ins with iTunes ‘customer service’:

Protecting Your Skin in Style

Protecting Your Skin in Style

Protecting Your Skin in Style
Rain Blanken at Ft. Meyers Beach, looking decidedly unstylish.

If you are heading to the lake, pool or beach this 4th of July weekend, don’t forget to plan for Old You. What am I talking about?

Well, not too long ago, I was Teenage Mutant Ninja Rain, who neglected to plan for Twenty’s Corporate Stooge Rain. Consequentially, I acquired a tattoo on my arm that needs to be covered to fit a business-casual dress code, which cuts into my fashion choices at the office. I just wasn’t thinking ahead.

With some luck, I’ll be Old Wise Rain one day, and I’ll have to be her just as much as I’ll soon have to be Thirty’s Can’t I Retire Yet Rain. While I’m not getting anymore tattoo’s, I do need to start paying special attention to the skin on my face, neck and shoulders.

Saving your skin from the sun has more to do with future planning than trying not to turn red and crusty for a week. Do yourself a favor and wear stylish beach wraps and enough sunscreen so that Future You doesn’t have to invest in a jug of wrinkle cream. She’ll thank you for it in twenty years.

Here are some great ways to stay sun safe without looking like a dork at the beach:

  • Crochet a Beach Wrap – These short capes are in and can be made out of a yarn that matches your suit or sandals.
  • Wear Sunblock Every Day – If you wear a light sunblock on your face everyday of the year, an occasional burn at the beach won’t have too much impact. Work it into your makeup routine.
  • Go Kitschy Vintage with a Floppy Hat – Audrey Hepburn had it right. Wearing a glamorous floppy hat will instantly transform a bikini and sandals into a crafted style. Make your own to perfectly coordinate.