‘I Want a New Bra’ to the tune of ‘I Want a New Drug‘ by Huey Lewis And The News. Bold words are where I think Huey would really punch it up.
Here is the video to listen along with:
I want a new bra, one that won’t pinch my back
Somethin nice to hold my boobs up, Cotton, silk, with real smooth straps
I want a new bra, cause I only own two
One I’ll wear for about 3 weeks, And tell myself, ‘I’ll wash it soon‘
[chorus] Don’t wanna pay alotta money, But the best ones cost a few
Testing bounce and feeeeeel in the fiiiitting rooooom
…in a pink fitting room
I want a new bra, One that won’t make me sweat
But not if it hooks in front, that plastic snap digs in my chest
I want a new bra, one that feels like air
Impossible to detect it, easy to unhook back there
[chorus] Momma said I should wear one, but I’m not sure why I do
Is cup size is just a number made up by some dudes?
Bra-less miiight be cool, (not sure if I’m that coooool, baby…)
[jam out to the bridge and jump out of a helicopter]
[more bridge jammin’]
[listen to them horns!]
I want a new bra, one that does what it should
Make this body look like a lady, pull them boulders up real good
I want a new bra, one that looks real hot
But I’d like to fall asleep in it, so underwire- maybe not
[chorus]One that will last forever
And acts as a wallet, too
Strapless is a gamble, but my shoulder game is good
Braless might be cool. (Braless might be cool, yeah yeah…)
[bridge again, outro]
Publishing this post assists in validating the hours of procrastination I have spent making up lyrics ala Weird Al and looking up bouncy memes. Writing fun things about boobs is a great way to put off writing about very real things that have actual deadlines. Thank you for your support.
These Sailor Moon hair tutorials originally appeared in the ‘gyaru’ magazine, Ageha, which ceased publication in April of 2014. I’ve put them here in hopes that someone will find them useful for some Sailor Moon cosplay. My loose translations are snarky, yet accurate.
Click any of these photos to be taken to an annoying photo page (gotta make that paper), then click again there to see the huge version of the jpg itself.
Sailor Moon Hair Tutorial
Separate hair into even pigtails, reserving a a third of the hair at the base of your neck for some creativity later. Split those bangs in half, too. Backcomb each pigtail at the base, then wrap it into a loose bun and pin in place. Part the hair left at the back of your neck and then wrap it around the hair elastic on the buns. Pin in place. Curl as desired. Wake up late for school, bomb a test, date a guy way older than you, then blame it on a cat you found in the street.
Click Photos to View Full Size
Sailor Pluto Hair Tutorial:
Use a straightening iron to smooth those locks to a silky sheen. Create a high ponytail, then tease up the hair at the base. Curl the hair around the ponytail to create a soft, messy bun and pin in place, then shellac the whole thing with two cans of hairspray.
Sailor Chibi Moon Hair Tutorial:
Separate hair into pigtails. Use a large curling iron to create ringlets throughout. Gently brush the middle of the pigtails with a soft bristled bush to give each pigtail a full-bodied look. Wrap some of the hair from the bottom of the pigtail around the hair tie to cover them up and create more lift from the head. Pin in place. Use your hands to shape the hair so that it curls up. Twist the ends with a bit of mousse to make spiraling tendrils that hold their shape.
Sailor Venus Hair Tutorial
Create a part that crosses horizontally over the middle of the head. The idea is to create a large space for both bangs and the Minako hair poof. Draw the hair from the top of the head into a ponytail at the crown. Use a straight iron to flatten all that hair, then curl the ends ever-so-gently with a large-barreled curling iron. Draw a lock of hair from the bottom of the ponytail to wrap around the hair elastic. Back comb at the base of the ponytail to pump up the volume. Take a straight iron to those bangs and Bob’s your uncle.
Sailor Jupiter Hair Tutorial
Part your hair just like we did in the Venus hair tutorial. Brush bangs to the right and pin behind the ear. Curl the ponytail hairs and back comb at the base. Add a mouse or other soft holding product to the ponytail, working in gently with your hands. Pin locks from the front of the ponytail down so that they cover the hair elastic. Something tells me Makoto would never spend this much time on her hair.
Sailor Neptune Hair Tutorial
Neptune’s hairstyle is pretty much the same as Grace Adler’s. To achieve this effect, first part hair at the middle of the head to allow for a lot of bangs. Add three hot curlers to each side and the back at the crown. Leave in for length of one episode of Bob’s Burgers. Curl the rest of the hair with a large-barreled curling iron. Gently comb out the curls to create a wavy look and backcomb at the base for volume. This article keeps saying to add ‘wax’ to the ends of your curls to make sweet lil’ tendrils, but use the styling product of your choice. Add a hot curler to the bangs and watch another round of Bob’s Burgers.
Sailor Uranus Hair Tutorial
Neptune can not be legally shown in any capacity without Uranus appearing next to her, so this article has successfully fulfilled that obligation. Part your short hair to the side, add hot rollers, see what Louise is up to, remove rollers, then work in some of that ‘wax’ to create separate spikes of badassery.
Sailor Mars Hair Tutorial
Spray the ends of your hair with a hot new product they’re plugging, creatively called ‘Curl Water’. Dry your hair after all that Curl Water application, then curl the bottom half of the hair. Brush gently, then separate your crunchy, product-laden tendrils. Then spray them some more? Basically, Rei doesn’t do her hair. This is a page-filler because you can’t just leave out Sailor Mars.
Sailor Mercury Hair Tutorial
Part at the top of the scalp, leaving ample room for big bangs on the right. Add hot rollers at the top of your head and straight iron the rest while you wait. Toss your curlers to the wind and backcomb at the crown. Work your fingers in to fluff everything up, then set with a light dusting of chemicals.
If you are heading to the lake, pool or beach this 4th of July weekend, don’t forget to plan for Old You. What am I talking about?
Well, not too long ago, I was Teenage Mutant Ninja Rain, who neglected to plan for Twenty’s Corporate Stooge Rain. Consequentially, I acquired a tattoo on my arm that needs to be covered to fit a business-casual dress code, which cuts into my fashion choices at the office. I just wasn’t thinking ahead.
With some luck, I’ll be Old Wise Rain one day, and I’ll have to be her just as much as I’ll soon have to be Thirty’s Can’t I Retire Yet Rain. While I’m not getting anymore tattoo’s, I do need to start paying special attention to the skin on my face, neck and shoulders.
Saving your skin from the sun has more to do with future planning than trying not to turn red and crusty for a week. Do yourself a favor and wear stylish beach wraps and enough sunscreen so that Future You doesn’t have to invest in a jug of wrinkle cream. She’ll thank you for it in twenty years.
Here are some great ways to stay sun safe without looking like a dork at the beach:
Crochet a Beach Wrap – These short capes are in and can be made out of a yarn that matches your suit or sandals.
Wear Sunblock Every Day – If you wear a light sunblock on your face everyday of the year, an occasional burn at the beach won’t have too much impact. Work it into your makeup routine.
Go Kitschy Vintage with a Floppy Hat – Audrey Hepburn had it right. Wearing a glamorous floppy hat will instantly transform a bikini and sandals into a crafted style. Make your own to perfectly coordinate.
Fashion sketching is not only a great way to carry a concept from paper to runway, but it’s also fun for brainstorming. If you are interested in pursuing fashion design, it is important to keep sketching. Sketch meat dresses and Star Trek uniforms… sketching all kinds of fashion will help to keep your creative mind sharp.
Crochet? I love crochet! Croquet? They play that with flamingos on Alice in Wonderland, right? Nah, croquis are yet another word that is not ‘croissant’. Sadly, not everything can be a croissant. In my article on About.com, learn how to use these pre-made models to get right to fashion sketching without having to draw hands (agh, they’re the worst!)
Which tools work best for sketching your styles? Colored pencils can give a lot of detail, but sometimes lack to get bold ideas across. Let’s take a look at the advantages/disadvantages of various mediums.
Fashion flats are a lot like the technical drawings that you’ll see on sewing patterns. They give a lot of insight as to where seams and notions are placed to make a garment work right. Not the most flashy corner of the fashion world, but necessary if you want your pants to stay up.
Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto the wall may sounds like a redundant exercise, but this is actually a great way to collaborate your ideas with others, and just give your inspirations time to breathe and morph. Plus, if your designs are out on the wall, it makes you accountable for finishing that project when your buddy asks about it two weeks later.
Above is an example of taking a design concept from paper all the way to the finished costume. You can see a few changes made along the way, but the sketch and notes indicate the fall of the fabric, colors, and tone of the design. Don’t be afraid to mess up that notebook.
See the full article on About.com for all of my tips on how to sketch your own designs. I hope that my tips give you a bit of inspiration and the courage to just jump right in and start creating. Not every design is a winner, but they all contribute to the development of your skills!
During my six year contract for About.com, I’ve thoroughly explored the world of turning t-shirts into other forms of fashion. Since the jersey material is so easy to manipulate, and t-shirts are so plentiful, they make for a popular muse.
Here are my 10 Upcycled T-Shirt Tutorials:
1. Above: My original design, the Trident Braided Racerback is a project for the experienced t-shirt refashionista. You’ll use a looping technique that actually braids and strengthens the straps.
2. Above: This upcycled tube top can be used both as a skirt or a top. This is a great project for t-shirts that have large print, like this Hogwarts t-shirt that was three sizes too big for my sister.
6. Above: This long skirt makes it possible to keep a large logo on a t-shirt skirt without it being right up by your waist. In this topsy-turvy design, the logo ends up on the bottom, along with the t-shirt collar, so the design hints back at it’s t-shirt roots.
7. Above: An old tank top, or one that is stained beyond repair, can make a quick and handy grocery bag.I used two tank tops on this design to create a durable tote that can hold a lot of weight.
10. Above: If you are a t-shirt collector, or know one who is on your gift list this year, a t-shirt quilt is the perfect sentiment. You can save vacation or team memories for a lifetime, cuddling up with Margaritaville in front of the TV every night.
Back in 2008, wrote an article for About.com on the basics of tie dying. Six years later, all three of my kids have not only learned how to tie dye- they have dyed everything from socks to scarves. I’d say we milked this craft for all it’s worth.
Still, I’m willing to bet that I haven’t seen the last of my tie-dying days. I’ve got far too many hippie friends to keep my hands out of the dye for long.
Here is a collection of my many articles on how to tie dye:
DIY Tie Dye: This article tells you how to properly prepare clothing before dying, includes several tying techniques, and instructs on what type of dye to use.
I am loving this beautiful quilted work submitted to me via About.com by Blue Desert Roses, for not only the patriotic theme (my mind is already lingering somewhere around Memorial Day), but also for the beautiful mosaic pieces. The tiny bits of fabric were actually placed with Steam a Seam, eliminating a good deal of time and work.
What a great idea, I can’t wait to apply this method to make some tropical mosaic bags for the summer. I can just see a lot of fish and octopi assembled in Caribbean tones.
Get more tips from Blue Desert Roses on creating these mosaic hangings, and see her other work on Artfire. I’m going to get started on my beach bags… what would you make with this mosaic method?
I was recently challenged to create a killer glitter phone case tutorial for About.com. But what is there to a glitter phone case tutorial? Add glitter to glue, then apply to phone case. Let dry. Not exactly the most informative or exciting read. Instead, I added a decoupage element to my case that adds this season’s hottest Prada, Louis Vuitton, and Pierre Hardy patterns to my phone case.. without the designer price tag.
The phone case was my blank canvas, so right away, I set out on an inspirational hunt through Vogue. I cycled through what I call The Three Stages of Vogue Readership, and came out the other side with lots of inspiration.
There are more than a few glitter-glue tutorials online, but I have to disagree with most of them. They are always carting out a big ol’ bowl of glitter that poses nicely for photos, but isn’t very practical. We’re only painting a phone case, here, so I don’t need a lot of glitter-glue. Put a dollap on a tupperware lid next to a nearly-equal pile of glitter.
I even used just a blob of glue, then mixed white glitter into one side of the blob, and my other glitter colors into the other sides of the blob. Stop wasting glitter, internet!
Apply the glitter-glue to the phone case, starting with light colors first.
Working with the lightest colors first will make mistakes much easier to fix.
Here is what the dried first layer will look like:
Not quite solid coverage, so we’ll hit it with another coat:
The second coat is more about filling gaps. Use a stiff brush to push the grainy glitter mix in there like you’re filling holes in concrete. I’ve never done that before, but this is how I picture it. Don’t let this layer dry before applying your magazine cut-outs.
Now that my ‘beach’ is in place, I can start adding my magazine cut-outs. I put a bit more glue on the spots where I was going to place my pieces, because the glitter-glue was still bumpy. I also swiped the back of each cut-out with glue. Push these into the wet glitter-glue a bit to sink them in.
Let this dry completely, then come back and add a coat of decoupage glue to the tops of your cut-outs, and about 1/8″ away from them. The goal here is to create a seal around each piece. Let dry, then add a second coat. If you’re particularly rough on your phone cases, come on back for round three. Let dry at least two days before you use your phone case.
High above the street, on the 3rd floor of the M & J Trimming flagship store, designer Michelle Levy was revealing the next Project DIY set to me. My eyes lit up with instant inspiration, and Michelle and I were soon excitedly swapping design ideas.
It was Fashion Week in New York City, so my brain was already spinning with inspiration by the time my mother and I had ducked into the 6th avenue store. Inside, things had only gotten worse for me. From ceiling to floor, M & J Trimming was a mecca of all things craft. Picture the New York Pubic Library, with books towering above in all directions, tucked away in every available space. Now, turn all of the books into feathers, buttons, beads, lace, and fabric. That’s the M & J Trimming store in Manhattan.
So, after being hit in the face with Fashion Week and the cavernous possibilities downstairs, I was ready to word-barf all of my ideas in the studio room with Michelle. She showed me a mock-up with a blank acrylic plate and all of the jewels included to decorate it:
By the time I had left the studio, I had so many ideas for my own Cold as Ice statement necklace. But, not every week can be as magical as Fashion Week. Back home, I had ten more projects to complete, and then our car met it’s demise via a patch of ice on the road. I was not looking forward to participating in anything named ‘Cold as Ice’.
When I finally opened my Project DIY Cold as Ice box, all of that inspiration came flooding back… and all I could think was spring. Check out how I turned my winter misfortune into a spring rejuvenation with the Cold as Ice project:
If there is anything that I love about crafting fashion, it is the way that it brings people together. Recently, I bumped into Kirsten Nunez in the virtual cocktail party that is Twitter. Like all great conversations, we started out by complimenting each other on our stuff. She’s a DIY Fashion maven like myself, so it’s only natural that we start pointing at each other.
Kirsten asked me to do a feature tutorial on her blog, Studs and Pearls, with a twist; an accessory that took only 5 steps to complete and followed a floral theme.
I ended up brainstorming a brooch that embodied the way I feel in New York City; a little lost and obviously from out-of-town, but definitely fabulous.